Focusing Tip No. 124

When things don’t feel resolved at the end of the session.

A Focuser asks,
‘What can you do when things don’t feel resolved at the end of a session’

Perhaps you have a decision to make, or you want to resolve an life issue or problem in your life.
After Focusing on it for some time with your Focusing partner, you may still end up with an uncomfortable feeling, that things are not sorted out as you had hoped.

At the end of the session, you could acknowledge any feelings of disappointment.
Some things take longer to resolve than we want them to.
In our culture, we often want instant results, or at least for things to resolve quickly if we do the right things.
It doesn’t always work out so neatly.
Some things in life take longer, especially if they are complex, with several aspects to it, or if we are entrenched into familiar patterns of behaviour.

You can notice and value even small changes that have happened.
Small changes that we often overlook may have a big impact, so appreciate the process and acknowledge any changes and small shifts that may have happened during the session.
You can let those places in you, that you have been with, know that you will come back to them another time.
You can say to yourself, I will come back to this next time.
Then it’s helpful to ‘mark’ where you have got to, to help you to return to it another time.

‘Marking the place’ where you have got to means to revisit what happened in the session.
See if it feels different now, even though it may not be all resolved.
Marking the place’ also involves returning to your body-sense, your direct experience of your situation as it feels now, and finding a way to symbolise it.
It’s really helpful if you can find an image, a metaphor or a few words to describe how it feels.
Then you have a marker; an anchor to help you to remember it, and to come back to it if needed.

Take care of whatever has emerged during the session.
It may be feeling tender or vulnerable, and needing special care.
Feelings that have come during the session need to be acknowledged.
They can also let you know precisely what they need, such as a warm bath or a walk in the woods.
Perhaps they want you to be aware of them and not to lose touch with them.
They have come into your awareness during the session, and they may want you stay close to them, or revisit them from time to time in the next few days.

Read more articles and focusing tips on my website

Warm wishes

Fiona